We’re dressed in suits – even wearing ties – and on our way to a secret location for our first professional family photo shoot ever. The kids are going scream-punch-crazy in anticipation, and while Reservoir Mum does her best to explain to them that they’ll need to listen to the photographer and do as they’re told if they want to go to K-Mart directly afterwards to pick out any toy they want no matter what the cost, I’m thinking about nothing but the vagina because I’ve been mocked for saying that women wee out of them.
RM and I are sitting in the school’s media room and we’ve just watched and clapped Archie and Lewis’s performance at their mini piano concert and right at this very minute Tyson’s playing 'Hot Cross Buns' on the piano in front of teachers, parents and sixty of his school ground peers and if you smacked a horse on the nose with a table-tennis bat and freeze-framed it’s immediate reaction, even before the spilt-second it needs to feel its rage, you’d get a pretty good idea of how I look right now – chin dipped, eyes squinting half-shut, lips pressed together in a kind of grimace-grin.
…and let me hear you say everything's alright' ~ Romeo's Tune, Steve Forbert
Two years ago after Reservoir Mum, the boys and I returned from a weekend staying with you and my sister Cally, I discovered a pair of your undies in the dirty clothes bag inside my suitcase.