I’ve spent almost every day and night with you for five years and while I’ve still got a lot to learn I know you better than anyone else.

Your Mum and I brought you into the world with a big brother and we saw you fight for your place and then we gave you a little brother and saw you fight for your place a little harder. You’re right in the middle there mate and I worry sometimes that you might not be getting the message that we love you. But we love you so much.

If you feel you’ve been ignored, or hurt, or misunderstood you’re more likely to act out and raise your voice and cause a scene, than to withdraw or ask for help or a cuddle. You don’t like to be seen to be embarrassed or confused or upset. You’re always trying to show that you’re strong and in control. That’s where the occasional ‘I don’t care’ and ‘I hate you’ come from. We know you’re personality and temperament are raw and that these difficult aspects about you will one day ripen into great strengths. We know that about you and we’re being patient.

One of Reservoir Mother In Law’s Women’s Magazine is sitting next to the kettle on the bench. It’s folded open to a full page advertisement featuring Miranda Kerr. She’s lying on a bed naked. I have no idea why she’s doing that or what she’s selling. All I really know is that she has no pants on.

‘It’s lucky you’re a nice guy,’ Reservoir Mum says.

‘And that’s the first non x-rated line that’s been spoken between us this entire conversation. I’ll start blogging from that line onwards.’

I’m writing this post to encourage participation (via short survey) in a study that I find really interesting.  Here’s a blurb sent to me by Dr Deborah Dempsey and Lara Mainka from Swinburne University and Dr Jo Lindsay from Monash University –

The survey will help us answer the following questions about contemporary family life. How do women decide whether to keep or change their surname when they get married? How do couples decide on their children's first names and surnames? What issues of belonging or identity do these decisions raise for parents? We know very little about what Australian women or men think about this topic.

I’ve written my thoughts on the subject below. You can skip that if you want and go straight to the survey. Otherwise, read on and share your thoughts in the comments section at the end of the post.

Even though we have now been living with the in-laws for four long months my relationship with my in-laws is fine. In fact, considering we're experiencing major delays on the building of our house, and have just increased our brood to four, and are cramming ourselves into their house and severely impacting on their way of life, things are going remarkably well. But there is no denying the tension that ebbs and flows.

Reservoir Mother In Law rearranges all the dishes in the dishwasher every time I stack it and she does this so loudly that I am aware of it even if I am in the furthest room in the house, or down the street buying milk. In turn I leave my dry clothes on the clotheshorse for days on end, in the corner of the living room, so that it's the first thing she sees when she gets up in the morning. I also leave cupboard doors open and put the tongs in the dishwasher before I go to bedbecause I know this drives her crazy.

‘Check this out,’ I say to Reservoir Mum, as I point Maki’s head towards her.

‘Is he sucking your Bicep?’ she asks.

‘He is. Not great attachment yet but we’re working on it.’

‘Attachment is so important in breast…’

‘Bicep feeding,’ I say, correcting her.

RM laughs, ‘Yeah. Might help if you had a nipple there though.’